love

Song for the Broken Hearted

Song for the Broken Hearted

Ezra Blackwood

Who knew that love would have such a bitter taste?

And the bliss of ignorance could never be replaced?

That the day would come where I would have to set you free,

Or that when you left you’d take the better part of me,

And while they say the brightest stars leave the blackest holes,

They forgot to mention it would ever be this cold,

Alone,

With nothing left to hold (no, no).


Still, part of you won’t seem to go away,

Reminds me how I hate this each and every day,

And I’m well aware of all the consequences,

I see how loving you has left me so defenseless,

So you can keep that broken heart that you quietly stole,

You can take those broken dreams, but you won’t take my soul,

No, no,

This love has taken its toll (on me).


And, maybe it’s true; we’ve made every mistake,

But, baby, you’ll still be the hardest habit I’ve had to break,

I’ll turn my head to the skies, pray that love leave these eyes,

Cause now I know how much a heart must break before it is wise,

Seems like when we love, it just leaves a scar,

And all the new cuts cover where the old ones are,

We couldn’t have known, we would lose much,

But that doesn’t mean I won’t still miss your touch,

No, no

I’ve just got to let you go (don’t go).


If you asked me right now, I’d have to say that I’m fine,

Then drown all of the lies I’d tell inside this bottle of mine,

Because the truth is, my dear, I can’t handle these tears,

Or feeling like we’ve hurt enough to last a thousand years,

And how the bed that we shared, is still made up on your side,

Can’t stand looking back and wondering if we really tried,

No, no,

I guess now we’ll never know (no, no).

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Tonight

 

Dedicated to my beautiful and amazing mother, Roseann. 

I love you with all my heart and soul. We’ve always joked that we would leave this world together, many years from now, old and grey, with an entire lifetime of happy memories to look back on. I promised you I would always be there to take care of you, to laugh with you, protect you and make sure you always felt loved. For as long as I can remember you’ve been my best friend, my rock, and my world.

It’s been almost seven months now since we received my diagnosis, and through it all you’ve been my strength and the driving force that keeps me fighting. I can’t help feeling like I need to keep apologizing for the situation we now find ourselves in, though I know you’ll also keep telling me that it isn’t my fault. I also know that while this is my body’s battle to fight, that you are also the one staring down every parent’s worst nightmare. Despite the odds, you’ve never once let me give up hope and you’ve always made sure I knew we were in this together. I pray to god and will remain ever hopeful that the time never comes where someone need show you this. But should that time come, it is important to me that you know how blessed and thankful I am to have spent my 30 years of life with such a beautiful, loving, kind and gentle woman. I want you to know that no matter what happens in the months ahead, that I am not afraid. The only thing about any of this that terrifies me is the thought of being taken away from you. I hate knowing what this all has to be doing to you inside, and wish I had the power to make it all go away.

Despite everything we are going through right now, I still feel like the luckiest person alive because I have you. I won’t ever give up, I will continue to fight, and no matter what, I will ALWAYS love and be with you.

I love you to the moon back lady. xoxoxoxo

~ ❤ Forever, your baby boy.


Tonight


 

I’ll miss the snow and the summer sky

And all the love in your eyes

When all that we are, becomes what we were

Remember no one loved you more

Remember the fun

And I’ll live again

I promise it’ll be okay in the end

In a cradle of white light

I’ll sleep with the stars tonight

Forever the child of an angel

Forever the moon in my eyes

I know that this time, I’ll be gone for a while

But I hope you’ll think of me and smile

Though I have to leave

It doesn’t mean that I’m gone

So hold me close as I follow my dreams tonight

I’ll wait for you in the light

Forever begins tonight

The hardest part

Is hurting you

The hardest part is seeing you cry

Look back on the years

Remember my love

And when you close your eyes I’ll be there each night

I just need one more kiss goodnight

Before I leave your arms tonight

Rudolph’s Redemption

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” might be the deepest of all the Christmas Classics. It definitely is among the most animated ones. There can be no doubt. Maybe you think it’s sappy, or outdated, or just part of the stupid song. Not so. There is more, here, than meets the eye. There is substance beneath the veneer of stop-animation and the lyricism of Burl Ives. There is a truly valuable and timeless lesson therein. 

Rudolph is a treatise on acceptance. It is a very basic story about the fact that what makes us different, what often makes us hated, mistreated, ignored, or berated … those are the things worth having. Those are the things that define us. It’s not the 99.9% of genetic makeup that we share with monkeys that makes us special, is it? It’s that 0.1% … that last little bit. Rudolph couldn’t help his nose being red any more than Hermey could help loving teeth. Those toys … those misfit toys … they were MADE that way. All of the characters in this story find redemption, ironically, because of the very parts of their being that made them hated. This special teaches a fundamental character trait. It shows that one should value others, not judge them. It tells us to love one another, and not to mistreat our fellow beings.

Rudolph was driven away in shame, Hermey was belittled into quitting his job, and the toys were abandoned and ostracized for not conforming to what some idiot kids thought a “toy” was supposed to be. Well screw those kids, I’ll take a misfit toy over a regular one any day of the week. I want the nesting doll that ends in a mouse. I want a bird that swims. I want a water gun than shoots jelly. I want a polka dot elephant. I want a cowboy riding an ostrich. I want a sinking boat and a plane that can’t fly. I want a train with square wheels on its caboose. I want a damn Charlie in the Box! I want an elvish dentist and a radiant reindeer. I want uniqueness. I want different. Conformity is boring. No one remembers any of the other elves’ names or any of the other reindeer kids, either. If I didn’t watch the special every year, I wouldn’t even remember that they gave some of them names at all. They are uninteresting, unimportant, and banal. But the weirdos stick with you. The oddballs came through in the end, when no one else could.

Hermey de-toothed the bumble and made it tame. The toys were found by Santa and given to (presumably) less judgmental, more grateful children. And Rudolph …well, without him, there wouldn’t have been any presents at all that year. Despite all of their so-called flaws, these hated and undervalued people came right back to help those who persecuted them in the first place. If that isn’t a Christian ideal consistent with the very essence of this purportedly holy day, then I don’t know what is. I can’t think of a single other animated classic that has anything nearly as moving at its core, save perhaps “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer could be played at any time of year for people of any age and it would still ring true, however. That is somewhat unique among the holiday classics.

So, this year and all years hence, I ask you all to lift a glass of eggnog to the greatest, simplest, and purest of all Christmas messages! It is a toast to Rudolph, Hermey, and to all the Misfit Toys out there. It is a toast to our selves. It is a toast to redemption and a toast to acceptance. If you can’t do at least that much this holiday season, then you’re no friend of mine.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and a Joyous Whatever Else You Celebrate!

Pejay Rossi - Regret

A Story of Regret

Dedicated to Dana

He was willing to give you everything.

Some people just have this ability to love deeply, profoundly, and completely. No matter how many storms they’ve weathered, they still choose to shine and they still choose to love. Despite all they’ve been through, they still manage to trust their heart and follow it courageously. And somewhere along the way, it was that heart that led them straight to you. At first there may have been a lot of uncertainty, but it soon became clear that this was no ordinary love. He was the guy willing to do just about anything for you, who knew when you needed him even when you didn’t say a word. He never held back his emotions and was never shy about telling you what he was thinking or feeling. Despite any mistakes he may have made along the way, time and time again, through actions, he fought to prove himself and his love to you. But for whatever reason you remained bitter and angry. Whether it was because of a few bad choices he may have made in the beginning, or the direct result of being burned so many times by those before him, you always expected the worst. For years the battle to win your trust and affections back waged on. But a person can only fight so long before they grow weary and break. And sadly, you broke him.

Blinded by skepticism and bitterness, you couldn’t reciprocate the kind of love he was offering. Either you weren’t mature enough or you just didn’t know how to let go of the past and appreciate what it is you had staring you in the face. Or maybe you were too selfish. Perhaps the timing was just always off between you both. Perhaps it was a little of each. Finally finding the potential “one” after so much heartache and pain has a way of fucking with even the most level headed person. And even after you broke his heart the first time, the second time, maybe even after the third and fourth time, he was still kind and understanding. But above all else, he still found it within himself to love you.

Not only did he find it within himself to love you after all you had done, but he was still willing to love you just as much as before. Truth be told, he probably could have loved you forever. Marriage may have even been a strong possibility in his mind. He had no trouble talking about making a lifelong commitment to you because love wasn’t something he ever held back. He might have lived in a world all his own, with his own ideas of how love is supposed to be, but he believed in love more than anyone you ever met. Even in the end you never really had to question his love for you. But he was always left wondering if his feelings were reciprocated. You knew how deeply you loved him, but you still let fear and unnecessary doubt stop you from ever letting yourself appear vulnerable in any way. If only you had realized how special his love was before it was too late.

You were too scared to see just how rare he was. It wasn’t until you met other people who left you feeling empty inside that you began to truly understand that you had made a huge mistake. Even on their best days, others who loved you would never, and could never, compare to the depth and totality that he did. And no one ever believed in you quite like he did.

Even when everyone else lost all faith in you, he had this ability to see into your heart, into your soul, and he just understood you and your intentions more than even you understood yourself at times. Even when you couldn’t see or understand it, he saw your true potential and actually believed in the person you were, the person you could one day become, and your abilities. He had so much faith and never questioned whether or not you both could make it through life together. And even with all your faults and flaws, he still thought you were perfect and looked at you with the world in his eyes. But your insecurities still managed to get the best of you. And it wasn’t until it was over that you realized he was the perfect one. Body, mind, soul and all.

Maybe, in the beginning, he messed up or had a flaw that still needlessly haunted your thoughts. It’s possible you became accustomed to disappointment and convinced yourself that there was no way things were going to turn out any differently this time either. But despite whatever doubts you may have had about you both, he never had any. And when all was said and done, all you could do was look back at what you left behind with sadness and regret.

In time you would realize that your greatest flaw was your inability to let go of the past and learn to love again. Like so many others, you were blind to what was right in front of you. And just like he wouldn’t have changed a thing about you, you realized that changing anything about him would make him imperfect as well. Suddenly you became painfully aware that his only flaw was settling for you in the first place. Especially knowing that he deserved far better.

He swore he wouldn’t love again, but you know that despite being let down by you, he would one day do just that. You know the type of person he is deep down. You know just how much love he actually has inside of him, and how much he genuinely has to offer anyone he’s with. You know he will treat them just as he treated you, and that the day will come when he meets someone that doesn’t make the same mistakes as you.

Realizing all of this, what you truly lost, you know you made the biggest mistake of your life.

So if you ever want to live the rest of your life full of regret, simply let go of the one person who loves you most. Do that and all the “what ifs” will haunt you until the end of time.

This is my story of regret.

I Need You

Thought that I’d be better off alone

Thought that I could hide

Pretend that I am fine

Can’t make it out here all on my own

And hard as I may try

Need you here by my side


Gets harder every day

Count the seconds I’m away

Never thought a heart like mine could break


Can’t go on

With nothing but a memory of you

Can’t hold on

I wonder if you feel the same way too

Can’t be strong

Without the one I need

To get me through each rainy day

And make it okay

I need you


Never felt quite this lost before

Like I’m walking in place

Searching for your face

And all the things that I am sorry for

I didn’t understand

The good thing that I had


Gets harder every day

Should have never walked away

How could I have made such a big mistake?


Will never find another

Made for each other

I know we were

Was so sure

Loved everything about you from head to toe

Your heart and soul, I hope you know

Every piece of me, misses what we used to be

Now i see


Can’t go on

With nothing but a memory of you

Can’t hold on

I wonder if you feel the same way too

Can’t be strong

Without the one I need

To get me through each rainy day

And make it okay

I need you

Heartless

They say our heart is where we harbor love. Many would argue that it’s the very place where love exists in all its glory. Perhaps there was a time when this wasn’t such a silly notion to me. But over the years, if I’ve learned nothing else about my heart, it’s that it has its limits. There comes a point where the depth and extent to which we are able to love others diminishes almost entirely. For some of us, there comes a point when, amidst all our pain and suffering, our hearts simply don’t have anymore love left within them.

Once upon a time there was a boy that loved. He loved deeply, and he loved completely. But somewhere along the way his heart grew cold and then it died. To fill the void, he began to steal the hearts of others to offset the emptiness left where his once was.

But to say he is “heartless” is a malapropism. Anyone who feels as much as he does couldn’t ever possibly be classified as heartless. What people might fail to consider, is that his heart is actually too full of feelings for him to find clemency, mercy, or grace within it. He is capable of feeling these things, but is unable to find it within himself to do so because they’re lost within a sea of darkness, which keeps him cold and unloving. Once he allowed himself to be overwhelmed with love, but it was taken away and so that sea rushed in to take its place.

Consider the alternative reality that those we consider to be the most evil are in all actuality the ones who are most adept at love. It’s like the saying goes: “Those who are heartless, once cared too much.”